Floral tributes play a part in many funerary traditions, but there are lots of other, better reasons than mere tradition to consider including flowers in a funeral.

Like many others I love flowers, and find their fragile beauty is a perfect metaphor for human life. For me, the way flowers wither and die after an intense and joyful blooming highlights our participation in the cycle of nature, a reflection that in turn brings a quiet comfort.

While most requests for "donations in lieu of flowers" reflect a sincere wish to raise funds for a worthy cause that means a great deal to a family, I do suspect that some make this request because they believe that flowers are "a waste of money".

I would ask anyone requesting "no flowers" to remember that flowers are often the last gift we can give the person who has died, and one of the very few ways in which those around the chief mourners can share in the funeral ritual itself.

There may be another explanation for the "no flowers" choice - I believe that when faced with arranging a funeral many feel that there are only three options....either no flowers, lots of tributes, or family flowers only. What if none of these completely express the wishes or personality of the one they have lost? What else can they do?

The following ideas are designed to inspire you and give you the confidence to create a ritual that is right for you and your family. Use any or all to craft moments that enable other mourners to be part of the proceedings and so demonstrate their care and support for you, as well as paying tribute to the person who has died.

If no flowers are planned at all  then, rather than leaving the coffin bare, use a ribbon banner draped the length of the coffin, bearing a favourite verse or saying, or as in the case of my grandmother, showing all of the roles she played in her life - wife, mother, sister, aunt, grandmother, great-grandmother and great-great grandmother. These banners can be commissioned from www.ribbonprint.com , check out their directory to find a local supplier.

Ask everyone to bring a single bloom to lay on the coffin or at the place of committal. You can specify the type or colour of flower, or enjoy a kaleidoscope of colours and shapes. Have labels ready for attendees to write a message and attach it to their flower.

Offer flower petals such as pink rose or blue delphinium for scattering into the grave instead of earth. Dried petals are available all year round from bridal suppliers.

By asking mourners to bring a living plant such as a rose bush or tree a memorial garden can be created in a single day and will give the family a focus for remembrance for years to come. Visit www.tree2mydoor.com for more ideas.

Giving plants, such as daffodils or potted perennials to mourners for planting in their own gardens is a beautiful gesture. The pots can be tied with a ribbon printed with name and dates, or any message you wish, again visit www.ribbonprint.com for local suppliers who only need a few days to create the perfect ribbon for your ceremony.

Plain bulbs are particularly appropriate when the person who has died believed in an afterlife - the dry, apparently lifeless bulb is the embodiment of hope for the future. Seeds are a lovely alternative, particularly for the funeral of a young person, Tree2MyDoor have two wild-flower collections - Love in a Bag and Bag of Sunshine which may appeal to many.

If you have used flowers in a non-traditional way in a funeral, perhaps you have found poignant ways to involve everyone in the ceremony that you would like to share with others, or have comments to make on this piece, then write to me at Partings.org

Catherine Castle