A funeral ceremony is an opportunity to share with family and friends in mourning the death of a loved one and in celebrating the life that person lived.

Each and every one of us is unique. Whatever we have done during our lives, however we have treated other people, the funeral is a natural time for reflection.

When you come to think about it a funeral isn't really for the person who has died. How can it be? Tthey can no longer hear what is said, see who is there or say what they think. Rather a funeral provides a cue for those who knew that person, most especially the immediate family to begin to accept their loss. It is they who are left to face life and adapt to unfamiliar tasks. Many a funeral director has been approached by a widow or widower asking for advice on things such as writing a cheque because their partner always took care of it.

 A funeral is an important way for friends and relatives to show their support for the bereaved, and has been described by one funeral director as a "uniquely irrevocable event" - you only get one chance to do it right. So what should you do?

Firstly, think about the things that are important to you or the person who has died: is there some poetry that speaks to you, or a special piece of music. Do you want a religious service or would that that make you feel uncomfortable? Who would you like to involve in the ceremony and how?

If you decide against a religious service then be careful who you choose to lead the ceremony. The obvious "alternative" to a religious funeral is a humanist service, however many humanists will refuse to make any mention of God or say any prayers whatsoever. That's fine for some, but many families fall somewhere in between. Most clergy these days will be open to working with you to tailor a service incorporating those elements of faith that matter to you and your family.

Remember too that your funeral director will have a wealth of knowledge and experience you can draw on when arranging the funeral ceremony. He or she will know which officiants are most willing to work with a family to achieve what they want, and what you need to consider when personalising this unique service.

 It may sound strange but you can enjoy planning something special. Think of this as "Mum's Big Day" and suddenly your whole perspective changes...and there are many professionals, friends and relatives who are just waiting for you to ask them to help you achieve a truly memorable event that brings lasting comfort.